ancientreader: black and white pet rat (Default)
[personal profile] ancientreader
Title: Scattered, Smothered, and Covered
Author: okapi
Length: 3867 words
'Verse: BBC
Pairing: John/Sherlock
Rating: R
Author's summary: Tourists Mike Stamford and John Watson literally blow into a Southern town where the only place not ravaged by tornadoes is a diner; behind the counter is a cook who deduces how customers like their hash browns before they order.

Reccer's remarks: People, this is the Waffle House AU you didn't know you needed. There are indeed tornadoes, John is a terrible driver, Sally the waitress calls the cook a freak, Molly the other waitress takes off her hairnet to no avail, and Mike Stamford needs to go to Georgia, but not the way you think. TW for atrocious puns and general lunacy.


John stared, mouth open. “That was amazing!”

“Do you think so?” asked the man.

“Of course, it was. It was extraordinary. Quite extraordinary.”

“That’s not what people normally say.”

“What do they normally say?”

The man’s voice fell to an angry drawl, “Fuck you, Pretty Boy!”

John’s eyebrows rose. “Bit rude. But you are sort of, well, um, that is to say,” he looked at Stamford and then looked down at the menu, “never mind. ..."

Read on the AO3.

ext_1620665: knight on horseback (knight)
[identity profile]
Title: Deathfic 1899
Author: Haldane
Pairing: Various, but all one-sided.
Length: 1,493 words
Rating: Teen and Up
Warnings: Major character death
Verse: ACD, Granada
Author's summary: Death. Fic. 1899. What it says on the tin.

Reccer's comments: Well. You may be looking at that warning and that summary and thinking, ‘This really isn’t for me.’ But this is death played firmly for laughs. The story begins with what seems to be a retelling of The Blue Carbuncle. However, things quickly take a very different path…

This is so well-structured—the joke builds and builds. There are so many wonderful lines, and the story is laugh out loud funny. Just perfect.
venusinthenight: joan watson, in a designer batman t-shirt, leaning in a door frame (elementary - joan leans in doorway)
[personal profile] venusinthenight
Title: Bee Yourself (also on AO3)
Author: [ profile] gardnerhill
Pairing: Sherlock & Joan, Ms. Hudson
Length: 8300+ words
Rating: Gen
Warnings: Crack. Also, bees.
Verse: Elementary
Author's summary: Things get Kafkaesque around the brownstone.

Reccer's comments: One of the standouts for me from this round of [ profile] holmestice, which is currently posting. This is one of those fics where someone takes a cracky premise -- in this case, Joan Watson waking up one day as a queen bee -- and gives it a serious treatment. It's a situation that's also complicated by the fact she and Sherlock are in the midst of a case! Also: excellent Ms. Hudson content!

(edited to add the author after the Holmestice author/artist reveal.)
[identity profile]
Title: Toplock Talent Search
Author: [ profile] anarfea
Pairing: Sherlock/John, Sherlock/Irene, Sherlock/Jim/Molly
Length: approx. 25,000 words
Rating: explicit
Warnings: top!Sherlock (the reason the fic exists)
Verse: BBC Sherlock
Author's summary: “It’s frankly alarming,” said the Sherlock in the fishnet top, “watching you simper and fawn and make puppy eyes over John like a … sad, gay baby.”
Sherlock’s mouth fell open. “I am not a sad gay baby!”
“Yes, you are,” said Irene.
“Well, what is he, then?” sputtered Sherlock. “Splaying his legs open so everyone can see his cock through those trousers. Sitting there leering at the rest of us like some sort of superior … Dark fuck prince.”

Currently a WIP. Last updated July 2015. There should be one more chapter according to the author. However, as chapter three to five are pretty much stand alone's you can really go ahead and read!

Reccer's comments: This fic is proof of the human mind’s remarkable talent to turn something vile into something hilarious. Written in response to the vagaries imposed upon last year’s 221B con by a this fic has the show’s characters discuss fanfic, gender politics, sexual roles, ship wars, and fandom, as they search for the perfect incarnation of Toplock.

The author masterfully plays with tropes and head!canons as exploited in the series by Moffat and Gatiss, by fanfic writers (the author included) and readers and shows that the pen, especially when wielded with a humour that manages to cast everyone in a satirical light, truly is the strongest weapon ever invented.

The fic heads off with lots of clever banter flying around the living room. Anthea presides and has a hard time keeping the various characters in their respective incarnations in check. We get to meet DarkFuckPrince!Sherlock, GayBaby!Sherlock, JustTransport!Sherlock, Angry!John (well, he doesn’t get laid, obviously), Saint!John and BAMF!John, Virgin!Sherlock and all these incarnations, traipsing around 221B’s living room together, are totally IC. As are Irene, Mycroft, Anthea, Mrs Hudson, Jim and Molly and even Sebastian Moran. Because no fic featuring Jim is complete without a truly creepy Moran in the background. Fie Moftiss.

Once Anthea has waved her magic wand and decided upon the various pairings we follow those to the rooms allotted them for yet more talk, debate, argument, conference, exchange, review, conversation,consideration, dialogue, consultation, seminar, discourse, deliberation,symposium, colloquy, confabulation not to mention examination, investigation, analysis, scrutiny and dissection that will have you screaming with laughter and chuckling over so much cleverness. Then in each chapter the whole delicious concoction gets topped off with some scorchingly-hot sex, with Sherlock topping of course. Yes, even GayBaby!Virgin!Sherlock gets to do the topping.

What really blew me away in this fic however is the encounter in chapter four, between JustTranpost!Sherlock and a beautifully brave and tender Irene. Even if you don’t read the rest of the fic, read this chapter at least for the wonderful insight into their relationship. You won’t regret it.
[identity profile]
Title: Dream #11
Artist: MarionPoinsot34
Pairing: Gen (mostly)
Length: 1 page
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Verse: Sherlock BBC / Star Wars / Harry Potter crossover
Author's summary:
French video version :
With : Sherlock, Watson, Darth Vader, Admiral Thrawn, Dumbledore, Voldemort, Gellert Grindelwald
Location : London

Reccer's comments:
Here is a wonderfully cracky crossover comic-fic, to lighten things up after my last rec. This little tale is based on a dream the artist had, and is accordingly fairly bizarre (in a good way). If you ever wondered what might happen in a universe where Sherlock, Dumbledore, and Darth Vader are all real people, you can find out here!

Make sure to click the 'download' button on the right side of the page to be able to read the text.

Dream #11
[identity profile]
Title: Where's My Scarf?
Author: [ profile] buttsnax
Pairing: Sherlock/John (Or not! You choose!)
Length: 6,000 words, give or take
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence.
Verse: Sherlock BBC
Author's summary: A Choose Your Own Adventure story set in the ruins of a far-future London. Help Sherlock find his missing scarf, or don't! You decide.

Reccer's comments: If you liked CYOA books as a kid, welcome to the brilliantly cracky, sad, snarky, "of course that mystery writer was [ profile] buttsnax" adult version. This Holmestice gift for [ profile] nia_kantorka is cleverly crafted as a stand-alone Livejournal with multiple linked entries.

The setting: a weird, unexplained post-apocalypic AU. You are Sherlock Holmes. The problem: you are cold. The reason: you have lost your scarf. The complication:

A terrible and mysterious accident befell you, the likes of which you don't remember, nor could speak of if you did. Your only method of communication is the construction and wearing of an elaborate system of masks. Even now, a mask like a second flesh covers your face--the one you dare not remove beneath all the others. You carry these masks with you in a small sack sewn of a thread unknown to this earth and to you. Each mask represents a facet of your intent or emotional state that John has become adept at interpreting. Most of the time. Occasionally he has trouble with it.

You need to let John know about your missing scarf.

Your choices are to:

[Wear the Mask of Loss]
[Wear the Mask of Ice]
[Wear the Mask of Asphyxiation]

I think my personal favorite is The Mask of Not Getting Killed Immediately.

[identity profile]
Title: Heroic
Author: sprl1199
Pairing: pre-slash Sherlock/John
Length: 6,000 words
Rating: Teen
Warnings: none
Verse: Sherlock BBC
Author's summary: "The first time John saw the Aristotelian Avenger, the other man was in the middle of facing down the Crimson Curmudgeon." John/Sherlock pre-slash, Superhero!AU, Crack. Oh, such crack.

Reccer's comments: This is such goofy, ridiculous, light-hearted fun. It reads like a spoof of the Marvel-style superhero genre, but really it is most reminiscent of the delightful Pixar movie "The Incredibles." I love the breezy style and the unapologetic silliness of the whole thing, and the author mixes in a nice touch of sweetness and caring between Sherlock, who is ostracized from the hero community, and John, who stands alone in being willing to work with him. Sherlock's superpower is the rather Douglas Adams-esque ability to deduce poorly-functioning magics out of existence in a puff of logic. This is lucky for John, since his only weapon is a gun that will only work against "purely evil" villains, and he never seems to meet anyone quite that simple.

A joyful romp that puts a smile on my face. I hope it will brighten your day if you, like me, are currently snowed in :)
[identity profile]
Title: The Very Unlikely Existence of a Flightless Bird in a Tuxedo
Author: cwb
Pairing: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Length: 8829
Rating: Explicit 
Warnings: none
Verse: Sherlock BBC
Author's Summary: none given

Reccer's Comments: Humor in the Sherlock fandom is always an interesting venture, depending on how cracky you like your fic. cwb always manages to balance the dry humor found in the show with the crack, which is really awesome. John and Sherlock find themselves at a zoo during the course of a case, which leads to some super-adorable moments between Sherlock and the pengwings. The ending, too, is super fluffy (and hot) and makes you want to smile.
verdant_fire: (shr: think it through next time)
[personal profile] verdant_fire
Title: Big Brother Is Watching You
Author: flawedamythyst
Pairing: Sherlock/John
Length: 5595 words
Rating: Teen
Verse: BBC
Author's summary: Sherlock and John enter the Big Brother house.

Reccer's comments: This is one of my favorite humor fics in the fandom.  It's endearing and hilarious, and the characterization is spot-on despite the cracky premise.  There were several moments that made me laugh out loud, mostly involving Sherlock being as ill-suited to the situation as you'd imagine.  It's deftly funny storytelling.
[identity profile]
Title: Game Nights
Author: Random_Nexus
Pairing: Gen
Length: 6700 words
Rating: Teen
Warnings: None
Verse: Sherlock BBC

Author's summary: John's meeting with Greg, Molly, and another DI from NSY for game nights. Sherlock's feeling a bit jealous and has to figure out what to do about the problem.

Reccer's comments: The AO3 entry is locked and only accessible to those with an account, so an alternate link to their LJ is here: Game Nights

This is very cute and funny. John meets up with Greg and others for a Dungeons and Dragons game night at Greg's flat, leaving a note for Sherlock who is, of course, stuck in his mind palace and unaware that John has left. Most of the story takes place during the game itself as John and his friends play the game. The names and characters the players have chosen for themselves are amusing and apropos; I found myself giggling and thinking 'but of course, what else could they have chosen?' Sherlock comes out of his mind palace to find John gone, and decides to find out for himself what these game nights are all about. But instead of just coming to the front door and knocking like a normal person, he sneaks in by breaking into Lestrade's bedroom and spying on everyone as they play.

The funniest part of the story happens when Sherlock surprises John by accepting his standing invitation and tagging along for the next game night. The reveal for what character and name Sherlock has chosen for himself is epic, and the very last line? Priceless.

[identity profile]
Title: RFU (series)
Author: okbutjusthisonce (AO3) / consulting-homos (tumblr)
Pairing: John/Sherlock
Length: ~500-7000
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: none
Verse: Sherlock BBC
Author's summary: “Are you pregnant again?” Sherlock says, eyeing John suspiciously.

Reccer's comments:

RFU is, to the best of my understanding, a series of responses to tumblr fic prompts going back to 2013. I don't remember who turned me on to them, but I remember thinking the stories were kind of awful; fifteen fics later I realized that they're awful like cheetos. They're quick junk food perfectly tailored to a specific craving (extreme/multiple pregnancy kink, with some animalistic/jealous Sherlock, which John cheerfully encourages).

As omegaverse goes, this series doesn't take itself or its kinks - or punctuation - too seriously. It's the kind of pleasantly bonkers porny romp you might hope to find in a members-only forum, but focused more on relationship dynamics than on the actual sex. Just enough of that to get the job done, and each story has its own humorous twist.

I particularly liked "Wayward," a recent entry, where a very, very pregnant John is out and about, coyly riling up the populace for his own purposes.

"Look at that." Kate said. She tilted her chin in the general direction of the next table, although it was completely unnecessary. Sarah nodded, almost imperceptibly at the omega sitting not far away.

Veronica reached for the sugar.

"Poor thing.” she tsked. She stifled a scandalised smile. “That can’t be comfortable.”

Sarah picked up the pot.

"Some people," she said in a low voice, "have little control over their bodies." She poured her friends a bit more tea, then replenished her own cup.

“It isn't as though it’s the 1950's, though, you know? We had sex education at school.” Kate stirred her tea thoughtfully.

“Well, some feel the need for attention.” Sarah said dismissively.

“You think that’s intentional, then?” Veronica stopped spoon poised halfway from her cup in a gesture of fascinated horror, "He can barely sit up."

“I bet…” Kate’s expression had taken on a mischievous edge, “fertility drugs were involved.”

Sometimes people get invoved in the shenanigans for hormonal reasons rather than because they have soberly considered their desires and the ramifiations thereof, and also John involves outside parties at least once in a sex game, unawares, so: dubious consent.
[identity profile]
Title: Cake and Other Sins
Author: Indybaggins
Pairings: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Mycroft Holmes/Sherlock Holmes, Mycroft Holmes/Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Length: 100.673 words
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: none
Verse: BBC
Author's summary: AU. Sherlock and John meet as competing bakers on The Great British Bake Off. There’s intense baking, lush recipes and enticing food. Mycroft, guilt, past sins in chocolate and gingerbread. And love. That too.

Reccer's comments: I've read the summary and I've read the warnings and neither had prepared me for this fic. There is crack in this fic, yes. But there's also plenty of angst. It's way more intense, disturbing and serious than you'd think upon seeing it's a Great British Bake Off AU.

I freely admit that while I appreciate this threesome and how John somehow balances things out, and I also quite enjoy Johnlock in here, this fic for me is won by holmescest and quite probably the most fascinating description of this relationship in fandom. Almost all fics that describe Holmes' brothers relationship somehow touch the subject of food, diets and fat jokes, but this is the one ties it all up into one perfectly twisted mix.

I feel I have to say that even if these pairings are your cup of tea, this fic might not be, might be too much in the wrong direction. However it just might hit all of the right buttons and you will realize what a gem it is and how quite possibly it's the most perfect, most twisted love story ever written. Plus, there will be cakes.
ext_1620665: knight on horseback (knight)
[identity profile]
Title: Love Is A Much More Capricious Communicator
Author: guns_and_poses
Pairing: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Length: 1465
Rating: Teen and up
Warnings: N/A
Verse: Sherlock BBC
Author's summary: For a prompt: When Sherlock first lays eyes on John, it's love at first sight. Unfortunately, Sherlock is sort of a two-year-old about emotions, and gets clumsy, tongue-tied and stupid every time he tries to speak to John. As everyone goes on about how brilliant Sherlock is, John is left wondering if they're talking about the same Sherlock Holmes. Because the Sherlock he knows is barely capable of stringing together a coherent sentence.

Reccer's comments: I’m not sure this needs a rec, but just in case you haven’t seen it yet…

The prompt gives you the basic idea—the author retells that initial meeting at Bart’s between Sherlock and John. However, this time, rather than suave and mysterious, poor Sherlock comes across as alternately tongue-tied and babbling. The joy of this piece is having the scene from ASiP running in your head while you see how the author plays on the original sequence. Mike Stamford’s reactions to Sherlock’s bizarre behaviour are particular delights.

The fic is sweet but the sweetness is tempered by the humour. The story flirts with crack, (and is tagged crack) but I wouldn’t personally call it that. As someone says in the comments: Sherlock is still pretty much in character; you can imagine him acting this way. There are some delicious lines and moments, and the whole thing is laugh out loud funny. (Trust me on this one.) The author talks about continuing the story but I have to say it’s absolutely perfect as it is.
[identity profile]
Title: The Semantics of Crop Circle Formation: a case study by Sherlock Holmes [unpublished]
Author: canolacrush
Pairing: Sherlock/John
Length: 41,000 words
Rating: M
Warnings: none
Verse: Sherlock BBC
Author's summary: "Look at these photographs," I said, gesturing to the wall of crop circles. "What do you observe?"

"Crop circles," John replied.

"Obvious. What else?"

"Are...are those intestines surrounding them?"

"Yes. The majority are bovine and ovine in origin. The farmers who have acquired these crop circles in their fields have also had a tenth of their livestock murdered and arranged thus."

"Why?" John said, presumably in a rhetorical fashion.

I detest rhetorical questions. "That is what I must find out, John."

Reccer's comments: And now for something completely different. Really, the first word that springs to mind when I think of this fic is "unique." A terribly entertaining Sherlock POV piece, in which Sherlock is writing out a post-mortem analysis of his recent bizarre, failed case. This unpublished study comes complete with irascible footnotes, and through it all Sherlock unfolds the mystery piece by piece and kicks himself over the various points at which he can see important clues in hindsight which he overlooked or misinterpreted the first time through. And though many of these clues have to do with the actual case, some of them have to do with John as well.

I will not say much about the actual plot for fear of spoiling its surprises, but it's fair to say that it has science-fiction elements, and Sherlock's unphased reaction to those elements is utterly charming.

Sherlock, like the story itself, is divided between the case and his rapidly evolving relationship with John, and for him the strain of these divergent foci is painful and passionate all at once. This is an imaginative love story with a tone that swings expertly between humor, heartfelt romance, determined empiricism, and close encounters of the third kind.

This is what happens when someone takes a cracky premise and writes it seriously (or at least half seriously) -- the result is a truly memorable and delightful oddity. Plus you will learn more about crop circles than you ever wanted to know. And meet a version of Sherlock and John that I think you will not quite find anywhere else.
[identity profile]
Title: Abhorring the Dull Routine of Existence, or, a Week Spent on Artificial Stimulants, also here at AO3
Author: [ profile] ardenteurophile
Pairing: Sherlock/John
Length:approx. 7,600 words
Warnings: none
Verse: Sherlock BBC
Author's summary: Sherlock tries out more legal varieties of stimulant. Cracky spin-off fic set before the events of You Can Imagine the Christmas Dinners. Technically (given the events of the latter), this is pre-slash Sherlock/John, but it can easily be read as gen.

Reccer's comments: One unlucky Monday when Sherlock is bored out of his mind John advises him to drink some Red Bull, like a normal person would. The next day John is already thoroughly regretting his advice for Sherlock is never one to undertake anything by half.
Soon half the Yard is busy keeping Sherlock in check and in the end the British Government itself has to step down for some decisive damage control. Sherlock’s comment once he’s come back to his senses is – predictably – that he’s bored again.
The author’s characterisations are wonderful. The text’s that are sent all over London during John’s frantic search for his flatmate made me snort with laughter. Indeed, both the situations and the sentences brim with that true wit the British excel in and that was the hallmark of S1 and S2.

Pure crack from the first sentence to the last, done in the cleverest way imaginable.
[identity profile]
Title: Yards: We Go The Extra Mile!, also here at AO3
Author: [ profile] flawedamythyst
Pairing: Sherlock/John, however it’s more of an ensemble piece
Length:approx. 2,000 words
Warnings: none
Verse: Sherlock BBC
Author's summary: Supermarket AU

Reccer's comments: A wonderfully cracky fic in which, believe it or not, the Yarders, the residents of 221B, and Molly work in retail, manning a supermarket. Each member of the cast is cast in the role that fits him or her best. The author has really been amazingly inventive and the different positions suit the characters down to the ground.

I can’t elaborate too much on the fic for then I would be giving away a lot of the fun. Just go ahead and read it and crack up over a perfect piece of marvellous silliness.

swissmarg: Mrs Hudson (Molly)
[personal profile] swissmarg
Title: Original Sherlock Parody - Oklahomo
Music Title & Artist: None
Vidder: nrk tv (Norwegian television)
Pairing or Character: Sherlock/John
Verse: BBC
Summary: Vidar Magnussen (Sherlock Holmes) and Bjarte Tjøstheim (John Watson) from the Norwegian TV-show "Underholdningsavdelingen" are both fans of the BBC series "Sherlock". When they realized the similarity they decided to make a parody.
Reccer's Comments: This little three-and-a-half minute video has already reached cult status in the fandom, with catch phrases being thrown about (Let's do a jump kiss! Rebooting is for cheesecakes!) and fanart popping up on tumblr. It pokes fun at the 'homoerotic subtext' of the show - or at least at fans who read that into it - but there are plenty of other gems in there as well, like 'John' unquestioningly following 'Sherlock's' instructions, no matter how bizarre, and that blasted auto-correct. The resemblance of the actors and sets to the BBC originals are really quite striking, and as this was additionally shot and directed in a similar style, it ends up being a very accurate send-up.
[identity profile]
Title: Miss Marple’s Admirer
Author: [ profile] persiflager
Pairing: None
Length: 776 words
Rating: Gen
Warnings: none
Verse: Sherlock BBC
Author's summary:Sherlock/Mrs Hudson, with Mrs Hudson roleplaying as Miss Marple, Sherlock's biggest literary crush.

Reccer's comments: Delicious pure silliness. Persiflager is extremely good at building a scene and putting it right in your head while reading. At the same time she excels in last lines and parting shots. This story is a wonderful example. Nearly 800 words of crack perfection. Destined to send at least a smile to your face though the chances are far higher that it will make you explode with laughter.
[identity profile]
Title: A Cunning Plan
Author: mific
Pairing: Holmes/Watson
Length: 1552 words
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: None
Verse: ACD Bookverse and comic strip 'Hark! A Vagrant'...and a smidgen of Sherlock BBC, Ritchie films, & Granada
Author's summary: Things go awry when Watson hatches a cunning plan to rid himself of stupid Watson and gay Watson.

Reccer's comments: First read the relevant panels from Hark! A Vagrant (here and here) for this to make sense. This fic is an hilarious, crackstastic meta-commentary on all the different versions of Watson and Holmes. The plot, such as it is, involves ACD Watson trying to get rid of "stupid Watson" and "gay Watson," so he can have Holmes to himself. Also, there is jam. Jam makes everything funnier.
[identity profile]
Title: The Lobster Quadrille
Author: tigertrapper
Pairing: Gen
Length: 1,618
Rating: Gen
Warnings: None
Verse: Sherlock BBC

Author's summary: There are lobsters. Lots and lots of lobsters, everywhere.

With knives.

Reccer's comments: A classic from way back in 2010, I think this might be my favourite crack AU. It's short, sweet and hilarious.

The really important bit is that the very same lobster, known as Lobsteriarty, is threatening John at knifepoint. Sherlobster isn't too happy about this particular development. It had been so much fun at first; the puzzles, the little games, Go Fish.


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